Parable of the Boy Scouts of America

Jeremy Mauser | Prose

Until January 1, 2014, a gay boy could not join a Boy Scout troop. To be queer in the organization prior to this date was grounds for dismissal. A means of resistance.

On January 1, 2014, the Bi Scout was an 8th grader. At this point, he had not uttered a word of his queerness—with which he was not confident, or comfortable, or familiar—to a single person, not even his best friends. Especially not his fellow Scouts.

The Bi Scout was first a Cub Scout, joining in first grade and seeing it through for ten years not because he enjoyed camping and hiking, but first because his parents forced him to stay, then because he wanted to hang out with his friends. Troop meetings were an excuse to see them every Monday, as well as most weekends.

In September 2014, the Boy Scouts of America denied employment to a lesbian woman named Yasmin Cassini because of her sexual orientation. This act was illegal in her state of Chicago, but was not prohibited by the BSA. Because when the BSA lifted the ban against gay Scouts, they decided not to welcome gay adults.

During a hiking trip on a weekend pelted by snow, six Boy Scouts shared an open wooden structure. The boys lined up their sleeping bags and chatted for a couple hours before trying to fall asleep. Yet the Bi Scout couldn’t sleep. They had no fire, and every boy shivered, his teeth chattering through the night, his breath made tangible with each exhale, each complaint of the cold. The Bi Scout wanted to ask if the guys could bring their sleeping bags closer together, to hug for the sake of warmth, but he didn’t. He feared they’d suspect his queerness. And if they suspected his queerness, he feared they’d be less willing to share tents with him in upcoming trips. So he shivered until he snored. And when he woke up, dawn was just entering the structure. The Bi Scout found he had rolled onto his side, and the boy on this side faced him, still asleep, his lips mere inches away from the Bi Scout’s lips, their misty breaths colliding with each exhale.

In April 2015, Pascal Tessier, the organization’s first openly gay Eagle Scout, was hired by a summer camp in New York. This was a direct defiance of the ban against gay adult leaders—they could tolerate a young boy’s queerness, but as soon as he turned eighteen, it was suddenly reprehensible. Tessier, by merely existing, was an act of resistance. His family hired a law firm, the New York Attorney General’s office opened an investigation into the organization’s hiring practices—and the country held a microphone to the BSA’s lips.

The Bi Scout thought some of his fellow Scouts were attractive, but he knew he could never make a move—if he were to hold a guy’s hand, and that guy were to reject him and tell the troop, the Bi Scout would never feel at home again, even if the national organization didn’t expressly prohibit him. At night, he fantasized about sneaking into the woods with a fellow Scout—there were a few guys on his mind—so they could lose themselves among the leaves.

One morning, as they sat in the high school hallway, the Bi Scout’s best friend asked if they could walk to their first class together. During this walk, the best friend said that he had a boyfriend (the Bi Scout knew he was gay, although he wasn’t out to everyone), and that boyfriend was someone in the troop. He was only telling the Bi Scout. The Bi Scout masked his disbelief and congratulated his friend.

While everyone else played football during a camping trip, the Bi Scout and the Gay Scout snuck away. The Bi Scout asked how it started, and the Gay Scout said that while everyone else was sleeping at a recent camping trip in a decaying cabin, the Gay Scout and his soon-to-be-boyfriend were watching a movie, and when the Gay Scout noticed the other Scout had an erection, the soon-to-be-boyfriend asked if he wanted to sneak away. From there, they lost themselves in each other. The Bi Scout wanted to punch him for stealing one of his nightly fantasies.

The Gay Scout apologized to the Bi Scout if he made him uncomfortable by sharing that he was gay. The Bi Scout said it didn’t make him uncomfortable at all—they had been best friends since third grade, and he trusted him enough to know that the Gay Scout wouldn’t touch or kiss him while he was asleep, or anything like that. The Gay Scout laughed uncomfortably, looked down, and said, “This is awkward, but,” and proceeded to say nothing. They watched the football game in silence, and the Bi Scout felt guilty. He felt guilty not just for what he unearthed, but for not sharing that he knew the Gay Scout was a heavy sleeper, so when they shared a tent, he stayed awake as long as possible to hold the Gay Scout’s sleeping hand.

On July 27, 2015, BSA’s National Executive Board voted to end its ban on gay adults, although individual troops could use their religious values while accepting leaders. One month earlier, the Supreme Court of the United States legalized same-sex marriage across the country. Individual states could not refuse to acknowledge lawfully wedded couples.

The longer the Gay Scout and his boyfriend stayed together, the sloppier they got with keeping the secret. Once, while they ran off during a camping trip, a group of Scouts was gossipping about them and speculating whether they were having sex. The Bi Scout said he didn’t think they were dating, even though that wasn’t necessarily the question. This trip took place in a private campground where the Scouts slept on the floor of the same barn-type structure, and when a leader turned the lights on in the morning, the Bi Scout looked across the floor to find the Gay Scout and his boyfriend spooning. They took longer than most others to stir awake and rip each other off their bodies. The Bi Scout didn’t know how many Scouts or leaders saw what he saw.

That evening, the Gay Scout cried to the Bi Scout because they were always fighting, and his boyfriend could get so mean, and he had no one else to talk to because no one else knew they were even a couple. The Bi Scout hugged his friend, letting him wet his shoulder, and told him people were starting to suspect them. With a sigh, the Gay Scout knew it was unhealthy to continue, but before he could break up with his boyfriend, his boyfriend broke up with him. The speculation ceased.

On December 31, 2020, by unanimous vote, Scouts for Equality—an organization that advocated for inclusion and mutual respect in the BSA—was dissolved.

His junior year, not long before becoming an Eagle Scout, the Bi Scout was chatting with a group of seven guys, and someone made a homophobic comment. The group laughed uneasily, nobody wanting to highlight its problematic nature out of fear that he would be labeled gay for being offended. After some hesitation, the conversation shifted until one guy—monotone, glasses, clear face—said, quite clearly, “I’m gay, actually.” Nobody acknowledged this statement. The monotone Scout and the Bi Scout locked eyes, the Bi Scout’s mouth agape, and he asked if anyone heard what he just said. Nobody looked at him; they kept talking and talking. The Bi Scout found the monotone Scout’s eyes once again; he didn’t think he was joking, and he had fantasized about kissing him and ripping his shirt off many times before. He wanted to walk up to him and ask him to meet him in the bathroom, where they could lose themselves in each other’s bodies. Nobody would notice. Nobody would care. But still, the Bi Scout didn’t let himself approach his friend. He stayed back, turned away from the monotone Scout, returned to the conversation, and never asked him about what he had said.

Information regarding the history of the Boy Scouts of America made available by Scouts for Equality.

Jeremy Mauser (he/him) is pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing at the University of Alabama. His prose and poetry can be found, or is forthcoming, in I Have That on Vinyl, Prairie Margins, and Catfish Creek, among other publications. An Assistant Fiction Editor at the Black Warrior Review, he is a self-proclaimed amateur stand-up comic and Oscars trivia expert who can be found on Instagram @jamauser13 and Bluesky @jeremymauser.bsky.social.